A Shy Poet
Why Don’t you Try your Hand at it?
She challenges and jeers in one Breath.
What Am I to do with these Feelings?
With these banners of contempt to sanity?
Apparently I am fated to be whisked away into delusions,
Stacked high with visions I feel so certain about.
Who is this person mounting this bold defense?
Where is the crack in that armored soul?
I have only myself to challenge—
To challenge into myself….
But what is that? And what does it entail?…
It entails a journey, my friend.
A long, painful journey.
Carolyn Million
Carolyn’s Journey With A Shy Poet
A Shy Poet was a poem I wrote MN June 3, 2021. It’s taken me over four years to share it. It’s taken me over four years to don the mantle of poet; To tease out and address all that has kept me from it.
The poem shares with the reader an internal wrestling Between the writer and a higher self, encouraging the Despondent writer to share her feelings. The writer is skeptical of the utility of poetry to change her feelings.
At the time this was written, I was in the throes of a three year bout of Broken Heart Syndrome in which my heart felt constant physical pain. This was the consequence of a mystical experience I had Summer Solstice, 2019.
I was feeling skeptical that anything could shift feelings Which seemed to fill me with delusions about which I was certain! … Or did the delusions produce the feelings? But the wiser self asks about the person doing the talking. If it isn’t really armor over a soul …and wouldn’t it be good To crack through the armor and find that beautiful soul? The Self asks what the higher self is even talking about. Feeling a bit clueless, she asks what will she have to do? All she gets is a banal response that she will face a journey, A long painful one at that…
So what has kept me from being a poet?
Why so shy?
If You Say You are a Poet
Aren’t you obliged to put pen to page?
What kind of commitment does this represent to embrace being a poet? For me, the process once engaged, isn’t all that difficult. The words mostly flow out of me. That doubt: if it’s that easy, it can’t be that good. It’s engaging the process that’s the tough part. How do you build a container that increases your tendency to engage and produce poetry? Also, too much striving for perfectionism or some outstanding product can inhibit our creativity.. Call it off!
Write Poetry, Bare Your Soul
When you write poetry, you bare your soul. When you share that poetry, you risk rejection. Misunderstanding. Disagreements/Conflict. That is scary stuff.
What’s The Point
Skeptical/resistance==> what’s the point?
Nothing is going to shift these feelings, Self doubt, delusions about which I’m so certain! This tight pain that inhabits my chest. Will writing poetry change any of that? I doubt it! My attitude belies Creation Spirituality principles in my hesitancy to give birth, My skepticism that the poetry would really do anything. My ego thinking the poetry is all about me— Not recognizing that’s not true.
When I refuse to give birth, I lessen the richness of community. So the thought, what good will it do Discounts the impact of poetry on the community. But poetry is to be shared. Whereas there may be that private poet For whom it really is a solo exercise, It’s a communal activity that in the sharing, We carry each other’s burdens and lighten everyone’s load. As I write about what burdens my heart, weighs on my soul And I share with you, the exercise is uplifting for the whole community. The whole community benefits, no matter how few people read it. And, somehow, I find myself feeling better.
The Universe Smiles.
Give Birth, My Friends! Give Birth!
